top of page

terrorist toddlers

Updated: Jan 29, 2020

I thought spitting was for punks and spotty teenagers? it appears not. 3 years olds spit too. it was quite a shock the first time I got showered with my angel faced, Johnny Rotten wannabe's, slimy gob. It was a simple 'put your shoes on' that made me the target of her venomous drool. I almost laughed out loud because honestly her spitting technique is a bit crap, its more of a paff sound followed by a line of dribble dripping onto the carpet and the reach wasn't further than her big toe. Still, as I hid my smirk I had to think of a reprisal or a punishment. Spitting back was my first thought, I quite liked that idea but was worried that a neighbour might swing by at the exact moment my purposefully hacked up spittle lands upon the face of my traumatised daughter and I'd recently had a cold so a spit fight seemed a bit unfair. My next option was to make her clean up her spit, I could have made her lick it up like some wicked step mother might do and even though I do quite like this idea I don't want to get arrested so instead I opt for the time out option. No words, just action. Ignore the bad, reward the good I repeat to myself through gritted teeth. The next 10 minutes are spent dragging a screaming child back and forth to the time out spot as she tells me how much she hates me. Then the screaming becomes too annoying so I go against everything I have ever read or been advised to do and give her a big cuddle until she spits at me again. fail. It's probably just a phase.... like punk was.

Pic - Me, in my drinking days visiting the Sacre Coeur in Paris.

83 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All


bottom of page