Sophie - I am Grateful.
A small milestone, but a milestone nonetheless.
I finally stuck to my word and proved myself wrong. I have learnt so much about myself. I have accepted how much I was using alcohol as a coping mechanism. I accepted that I never had that switch off button and that ‘one drink’ was never going to be possible.
And so my mess is now my message of gratitude.
I am grateful for the clarity of mind that sobriety has given me.
I am grateful for 100 days of making better choices.
I am grateful for actually being able to sleep through the night without waking at 3am with ‘the fear’ of what I had been like the night before and trying to piece the night together.
I am grateful for 100 days self-harm free. The guilt, the apologising, the tears, the embarrassment, the arguments and the blackouts would all contribute to my heightened anxiety and and the lowest of moods. The regret and the worry led me to some very self destructive behaviours.
I am grateful for every hour of the day that isn’t wasted being hungover and throwing up.
I am grateful for the motivation and energy i now have for the kids.
I may have permanently changed my lifestyle but I am still me. I can still enjoy the fun things i life. The difference is I am now more present and able to find joy in the smallest of moments that I didn’t realise existed.
And that has got to be the most beautiful gift I could have ever given to myself.
Here’s to the next milestone 🥰
Because one is too many and a thousand never enough.⠀
Once I had that first drink, alcohol had me. ⠀
The pebble that starts the avalanche. ⠀
So without that first drink, there can not be a second, third or fourth one.⠀
Grateful for every morning that I wake with a clearer head space. ⠀
Grateful for being able to sleep throughout the night without waking in fear. ⠀
Grateful that I no longer need to rely on alcohol as a coping mechanism to bury my feelings. ⠀
To feel every emotion I have is a beautiful thing. ⠀
Everyday I decide not to drink, reminding myself how far I have come and the courage and strength I have had along the way. ⠀
I wear that courage with pride. ⠀
182 days sober from everything I’ve ever done to escape from what I didn’t understand- myself. ⠀
My biggest work- to be kinder to me. ⠀
One day at a time ♡⠀
1 Year, 8 Months and 22 Days...
Today, sobriety is not a sad consequence, but a proud choice.
For a long time I tried to show that things weren’t bothering me.
That everything was ok.
That I could drink hard, and get up and get on with it all.
That I didn’t need help.
Alcohol would postpone and numb my anxiety for a bit. And then multiply it.
It would always come back stronger with added
feelings of depression. Feeling hopeless. Crying. Suicidal ideation. Guilt. Blackouts. More anxiety. Being unresponsive.
I stopped drinking because every time I tried to control my drinking, I couldn’t control my drinking.
Sobriety is raw and it’s real.
It makes you feel and face your pain.
It isn’t for everyone, but for me it’s crucial.
18 months on, I now have deeper, more meaningful connections with family and friends and feel my world is opening up to new possibilities.
I am so more present with my children.
Early mornings are now magical.
They are a time of peace, hope and inspiration instead of full of shame, regret and hangovers.
The journey has not been easy.
But it has brought me joy, gratitude and freedom along the way.
‘The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.’
One day at a time 💛
A big thank you to Sophie for coming back and telling her story.
Her alcohol-free journey over the last 18 months is an important read for others that are struggling.
The changes she has made are so inspiring. It just shows, sticking with it ....really is so worth it.
You can follow Sophie @mrselliottodea